I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
