What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
