that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
