On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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