one might say we're banned from that church
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
