i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The chlamydia really affected his face.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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