genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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