How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
