Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
