careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
