Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
