her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
