this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
how drunk are you?
Several
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
