I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
