just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
