well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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