dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
