can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
