I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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