She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
