Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
