bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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