Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
