Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
