i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You were trust falling into bushes
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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