I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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