New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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