its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
