No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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