He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
