I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
