hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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