you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
