Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I AM VODKA MAN
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
