Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
