Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
