my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
