I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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