I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
