Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
