OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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