Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
