All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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