I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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