it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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