Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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