Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
