Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
