Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
