guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
