And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
