So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
