p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
