Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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