well you can't waste a boner
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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